If I could paint,
I would wash the background
with all my tears of wasted years,
blend the dark with pastel shades,
the beginning
of new love I had found.
Then with brilliant colors,
foreground with flourish,
flashes and flush,
with dazzling diamonds,
of the golden years
I’m longing to spend
with only you.
I never thought I’d feel it again,
that raw urge,
that sense of release
to feel whole again,
in control of my own freedom,
to touch the magic:
feel its pulse, one with my own,
the tremulous anticipation
that you always feel,
on that decisive occasion
of the first time,
just before
that long awaited moment.
That’s how I felt
from the first stroke,
lubricated with blushing color
and sweeping motions.
Untamed passion
poured out of me
as I laid my dream bare
on the smooth white canvas.
(Inspired by the Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book –
Big Magic: Creative living beyond fear)
I often wonder what it was
that brought you my way.
What supreme force divined
or obstructed your path
or accelerated the time
that led you to my door?
A moment of boredom,
a delayed appointment,
a search for a special word?
Was it something I said ?
Did my longing resonate
with yours suppressed?
Perhaps it was a prayer
I spoke into the universe
that was caught by the wind,
or swept through the tide,
or flickered in the same star
that we were both looking at.
Was it necessary to err a little,
to lose my way for you to find me?
Did I hear your lament
for something more, in your quest
for new sweeping landscapes
with panoramic views?
Perhaps ours is just to let it be:
that far greater plan for you and me.
You’ll not fall on your sword
And I’ll not take an asp to my arm.
We both know the folly of such an act.
But at least indulge my daydreams
As I will give flawless blossoms to yours.
Paint me a portrait of our soulful love
In words that catch the trick of the light.
Sculpt a statue that moves in iambic rhythm
In sync with the person you’ve come to know,
Then strum a melody into the flow of your verse.
You’ll not reach the top of Mount Everest
And I’ll not swim across the English Channel.
Neither of us has such urge or tenacity,
But at least listen to my silent words
And I’ll lend vocabulary to tag your feelings.
Just keep in pursuit of the perfect alchemy
That will bring you eagerly back home to me.
It’s past midnight
And sleep remains elusive.
Time keeps ticking, ticking!
You break into a sweat.
What about tomorrow,
And the day after that?
You’ve tried before
To set yourself free,
But you’re tormented
By what you cannot see.
Confusion turns the tides
Of your faltering heart.
Words betray your emotion
In what it has become.
It’s hard to interpret
These immobilising feelings
That are not supposed to be.
Still time keeps ticking, ticking!
The voices inside your head
Grow quarrelsome tonight.
Some say go, others
Tell you not to move,
Each shouting louder
Until you can’t think.
But you alone know:
Something has to end!
There are days when my spirit calls out your name.
Multiple shades of violet weep teardrops for you.
Your silence leaves me bereft , frozen, turned blue.
Wondering if without you things will ever be the same.
Then you surprise me with a sudden, unexpected call.
My heart skips a beat and I’m right back where we started.
So filled with love and good memories as if we never parted,
Once again, I’m in that spin of madness, ready to take the fall.
You do this to me, touch me, turn me to all shades of red.
Stoke up my dying embers, fan me into a flaring ,flaming fire,
Consuming the air that I breathe, left gasping, down to the wire.
Yearning and burning, turned on by the beguiling words you’ve said.
I’ve told you this before, when you play the consoles of my mind,
I’ll become the rainbow for you, through the spectrum of every hue.
When you knock on my door, you take away my feelings of blue.
All mellifluous sound and shades of me become your treasures to find.
Tilting, turning into a twirling, never-ending pirouette,
No longer locked in the frame of my shadowed silhouette.
I thought I had you in the palm of my hand
Captivated by my scintillating charm
Wrapped tightly on the wrist of my arm
Until I woke up to the sound of the alarm
Where did you go when I was asleep?
Lately you have taken to the tracks
Racing wildly like hunting wolves in packs
Slipping through the fissures and the cracks
Moving in the shadows, conspiring with the sun
Contracting my nights, stretching through my days
Fooling me, blinding my sight in contrived ways
Confusing my colors with luminescent greys
Was it just a dream or did I see you fleetingly?
So suddenly, you conjure your magic tricks on me
I feel your temperature drop by a fractional degree
A subtle change, the first leaf falls from the tree.
Mistakenly, I thought I had you enraptured
Instead I am the victim that time has captured.
Imagine it!
That in everyday and in every way
Little miracles will find you, need you, inspire you
And veils will fall, sparks ignite and pages fill with ink,
With verse and rhyme you knew but could not think.
Delight in it!
The exuberance of your inner child, long repressed
Between black and white, malevolent, deep dark nights.
Retrieve that inner being whose longing eyes still glisten,
If only you would lend an ear to her beating heart and listen.
Believe in it!
That your dreams will see the light
And destiny’s promise will not let you down,
The thoughts you’ve hidden in pockets of your soul
Will be redeemed and restore you to feeling whole.
Take it!
The abundance that life will bring
Prepare to receive it with arms stretched out!
When the little miracles accumulate in what appears as chance,
You’ll realize that there was always an epic plan to watch you dance!
I know and you know
The words we cannot say.
Like embryonic droplets
Suspended, in cumulus clouds.
They conjugate in anticipation,
The nouns and the verbs.
Yet stand silent and awkward,
In deciding which adverb to choose.
I love…… I adore….I worship…..
Then the rain clouds converge once again.
A drenching flash-flood leaves us speechless,
With feelings that no words can explain.
I know you’re listening….
For words you cannot read.
Sometimes, silence speaks….
Louder than any words can.
I found her there,
When I opened my eyes,
Composed and regal, a gracious surprise.
She reached out,
Taking my hand in hers,
Leaned in and whispered my name.
With words gentle and soft,
Her meaning and intention were clear.
She cuddled me, said I had nothing to fear.
If you truly love she said:
Fear will seek refuge elsewhere,
Clearing space for new occupants.
Invite them in she said:
Time has come for the kiss of joy,
The delight of peace, the ascension of spirit.
Stop listening she said:
To the voices of malice and doubt,
The nay-sayers, the castigators, the cynics.
I was amazed to find
A soothing-calm envelope me,
As I stepped out of my faded raiments.
When I opened my window,
I saw the resplendence of a bright new day.
A new dawn of serenity had come my way!
Chevvy's diary 